More inks!  Will try for some sort of shading next… week?!

And on a completely unrelated (and possibly un-needed) train of thought – it’s time for a rant!

[Begin Rant]

Did you know, I was thinking of giving this all up last year.  The webcomicking, I mean.
Oh, yes.

You see, I’ve never had very good self-confidence, and when U-CON (my last comic attempt) trainwrecked due to lack of story and/or ability, I had come to that point where I had… a drive to do something, but a lack of talent to do it.

And you can all look at me now and go: “WHAAAAAT?” O.o

See, the thing is, that, up there, and everything else I’ve ever drawn, is a result of 99% effort.  No drugs, 1 high school class, and a miniscule amount of ‘knack’, smothered in a special blend of ‘canNOT quit’ plus equal parts ‘dislike of self’ and ‘need to do better’.  I actually had a friend once tell me that I have very little of the thing called ‘talent’.  He meant it in the nicest way possible, of course, but I walked away from the conversation feeling like I had just eaten a kick in the gut.

But you know what?  Talent isn’t everything.

What is it, anyway?  What is that indefinable, indescribable use of creative energies?  I could say “I need it”, or “I want it”, or “I NEED it!” until my mouth runs dry and my ears turn blue, but what will that get me?  ‘Talent’ is supposed to be something you just ‘have’.  And if you don’t have ‘talent’, where does that leave me, and any of you schmucks out there without it?

It leaves us where we are.  Right here.  Where we get to dig ourselves our own castle to live in.  It won’t be made for me, just like  it won’t be made for you.  We have to earn our place in life, just like we have to earn our rent and the tasty filling for our cupboards.

The thought can be quite depressing.  No one is going to give me an automatic ‘leg up’, or spot my work and gasp in shock and pay me millions of dollars to ink a single line on a napkin.  And if that’s not going to happen, why should I do anything except work my job/s, pay my bills, and vegetate in front of whatever mind-sucking, entertainment control box exists at that point in time?

Because I have a desire to create.  I have a need to create.  And it doesn’t matter how it comes out, or where, or through what medium.  I can have talent the size of a bean, and the constitution of a starving, decrepit, irradiated, nuclear war survivor.  I will still dreamI will still learnI will still create.

That drive – that spirit – is my ‘talent’.  And I hope to God that I never lose it.

[End Rant]

© 2010, Kira. All rights reserved.