Oh, Lord.  And a post for that matter.

It’s been a rough several months, to say the least – yet, at the end of it, I’ve finally switched to a full-time job that pays me better than retail! *gasps!*

My work/life balance is still shot to shit, though.  I guess I’m too used to not having extra time to know what to do with myself when I actually have some. >.<

And with that, here’s your picture for Furry Friday.  No word on when the comics will resume yet, but I would like to squash a rumour while I have the opportunity.  I am not quitting Serious Lesbian.  This may be an unexpected hiatus that has lasted a bit longer than I ever thought it would, but I have every intention of picking up the comic again once I’ve set myself straight.  Thanks again for your patience, O Internet peeps.  I appreciate it. =^^=

© 2012, Kira. All rights reserved.

I stared at my screen all week, trying to come up with something to write about.

In doing so, I have come to the conclusion that writing about people you know, and staying true to their thoughts, is much more difficult than putting a character you invented through his/her paces.

In my opinion.

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

That being said, I’m a little late this time. 

November is the worst month out of 12 for me.  It’s always full of retail hell, too many things to do, and the beginning of an uncomfortable holiday period.   Paychecks shrink, bills increase, and lack of family time gets its chance to be at the forefront and emotionally draining, rather than off in the corner where I shove it to keep it out of the way.

Thankfully, I’ve got a birthday towards the end of the month to provide a little ‘perk-me-up’, but even that was a little depressing this year.  It was squished right in the middle of a week between two graveyards and two day shifts, and felt like a deflated balloon of enjoyment crammed in the center of a party bouquet.

No small wonder that I’m getting a late start on my resolutions this year.  I’m still behind on sleep!

But now, it’s December, and my usual routine is knocking at the back door, begging for leftovers, so I’d best get on with it.  To be truthful, I usually don’t share these with anyone.  They are private resolutions that require no announcement of their existence, and often because they are never fulfilled.  Why share if I am only going to provide an example of failure?  There’s already enough of that around the internet – be a positive force, or none at all, I say! >.O

However, this time, I am stirring the raggedy pot of desire a bit.  Half of my reason behind posting an online comic to begin with (where everyone could see it!) was to get me to draw consistently, and to keep going – the second effort being a remarkable and versatile effect that can be applied to the accomplishing of other goals as well.  To ‘keep going’ is to give that little bit of tenacity I have a whip with iron spikes on the end.  The rest of ‘me’ may run screaming, but I’d like to see if arming my inner stubbornness can keep me on track with what I wish to achieve this year.

(Oooooo…. I’m doomed.)

Here are my goals for my 29th year of existence.   It ends on my 29th birthday, and I am already 9 days behind.

1. Read a book I would normally never read once a month

I don’t read anything but fantasy/sci fi anymore, and precious little of it, too, after finishing college.  There was also a long, slooow, torturous descent into reading for ‘work’ during those years, and I’m still trying to recover.  I’d like to re-energize my enjoyment and broaden my horizons a bit at the same time.  Updates on how I feel about the books may be shunted off to Twitter, for the curious.

2. Watch a movie that I have never seen before once a month

The caveat on this being that it must be considered a ‘classic’ somewhere.  Again, updates to Twitter.

3. Finish one comic per week for a year

I would like it to be Serious Lesbian, but it may not be.  This goal is also for a per week update and does not count strictly by the number of completed comics, either, so if I manage to pull off 52 updates, but miss 3 weeks in the middle, I’ve failed this goal. I can always do more, but I can never do less.

Addendum:  I’ve got a ‘bye’ pass for these last two weeks – this will be the only time that comic pages count for previous weeks.

4. Sketch a new picture every day

This is not hard.  This is not hard.  Updates count per day, not per number.  ‘Best of’ will be posted to my blog, and I will ask for suggestions on occasion. If you would all be kind enough to provide them, I’d be grateful.

Addendum:  Again, ‘bye’ pass for the last two weeks.  Extras count until I’ve filled that quota.

5. Write a little bit every day

I will never share this while a story is in progress.  You may see the end results, however.  15 minutes per day is the desired time, though I will not be strict with this.  Stringing two new sentences together every day would make me happy.  I’ll throw the 15 minutes into a queue and try to accomplish that equivalent amount of time each week as if I were asking for it, though.

Addendum: None.  Minus 1 or 2 days, I’ve actually accomplished this so far, and the days I’ve missed are being forgiven.  Wheeeee!

I’ve also got a few goals that I am not mentioning.  Some of them build off of these 5, and are attached to super-secret projects that may see the light of day if I wish, and want, and work really hard at them.  The rest are for me, and just for me.  I enjoy you a great deal, internet, but you don’t need to see/know everything, m’kay? ~-^

And for those of you who read Serious Lesbian, I have implied, but will now state, that a comic is coming your way next week.  Nightmare month is over, and I can breathe a little again.  Thank the gods. @~@

Thanks for reading my goals.  Make your own, and wish me luck on mine for the year, won’t you?

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

I am a person of ideas, not facts.

I love to create things.  Random ideas flit into my head, only to be snagged and fitted into a myriad stream of puzzles – all different stories, each one a jumble.  I obsess over the tiniest details, worry about continuity, and generally shape each story like a sculptor shapes his statue – tireless, but slow.

Over time, I’ve come to realize that part of the jumble stems from a lack of discipline, and patience – the ability to make ideas into fact, or tangible reality.  This trait has to be learned.  It cannot be gained in a sudden flash of insight, or inherited from one’s parents (though, certain genetic traits DO encourage it to work BETTER).  I cannot simply wish it to be so, and suddenly have the ability.  Life doesn’t work that way.

I’d like to think that I’m gaining some ground, though.  A few nuggets of wisdom have allowed me to etch a little more time for the work out of seemingly used-up hours.  I’m able to focus a little bit better.  I have a plan for the future that acknowledges the day-to-day struggle, rather than simply putting grand dreams on the table and asking for a splendid feast with no recipes.

At the same time, I have to acknowledge that there are certain things that will always get in the way of progress.  Crippling self-doubt is a challenge that every creator struggles with, and no two people have the same way out.  You have to learn how to deal with your own nightmares – even if suggestions from others help, they will never fully reveal the answers.

Time is another issue.  I constantly search for more time, yet constantly sabotage myself by taking on more tasks than I can handle that require it.  And yet, when I do have the time at hand, I struggle to do the work – something about a frantic deadline is much more effective at motivating me than ANY other attempt I have ever made.

Here’s the kicker: If I wanted it bad enough, NONE OF THIS WOULD MATTER.

And the sad part is, that is exactly right.

Right now, what I want most of all is to be financially secure, with some hint of a savings that will allow my girlfriend and I to stop living paycheck to paycheck.  Comics will not do that for me, not right now, because I promised myself when I started working on them that I would not ask for donations.  I would not receive money unless people gained something in return – whether it be a button, a .pdf copy of my work, or a physical book.  I don’t begrudge any other artist their donation buttons – or condemn them.  I simply do not see how I can justify asking for money for something that I do that is not being given the amount of work and effort that a ‘real’ job would ask for.  I don’t have the discipline for it – not yet.

Right now, the most important thing to me is to advance my career, not comicking.  I like doing it, but it is more of a hobby than anything else – I don’t quite have the right skillset to make it more than that on my own.  In short, I have two jobs because I wanted a chance to work in the industry I went to school for – and, right now, comicking is becoming a third job, I can’t keep up with the stress, and there are no distinct rewards to all this effort at the moment!

Does this mean the end of Serious Lesbian?  No.  The end of my creative career?  Hardly.  Creating things is like breathing to me.  I can’t remember a time when I haven’t had at least one story idea crammed into my back pocket.  I can no more stop being creative than I could stop thinking.  It just doesn’t work like that.

However, I do need to pull back.  I can’t keep apologizing for not doing the work properly.  Webcomic readers have certain expectations – I know this from being one – and right now, I meet very few.  I do not update on time, the story is not enough to draw people in and keep them there, and the artwork – while improving – is not justification enough to keep reading.  Worst of all, I’m constantly feeling guilty over things I feel I ‘should’ be doing better, and that is making the entire process a chore.  A chore I’m not getting paid for, to boot.

So, that in mind, here’s the deal.  I will continue to update the comic, but I make no bones about it being sporadic.  I am trying very hard to get a career in my field, and I cannot keep putting off the extra work I HAVE to do in order to get there.

At the same time, I WILL be working to develop the discipline I’ll need to make a successful comic.  To work in a field that has found me few mentors, and even fewer people to be responsible to.  I have to learn to be responsible to MYSELF over anyone else.  It won’t work, otherwise.

And maybe, by the time I’ve settled into something closer to normalcy in my life – when I’m working closer to 40 hours a week instead of 60 – I’ll have developed enough of the discipline, interest, and time needed to keep a twice-weekly comic going.  And to make a story that I would want to read.

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

The problem with this new style of comicking is that it takes 7-8 hours per page.  I probably shouldn’t get so involved with the shading detail, but I do, and it looks nice, but…augh!  There goes a third of the time, right there!  ^~^

I think it’s safe to say that there’s going to be a slight leanin’ curve (yes, leanin‘, not learnin‘) while I figure this all out.  Please forgive any delays that may occur.  I’m trying.  >.<

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

Whew!

Thanks once again to Tim over in TechSupport land for pulling my fat out of the fire!

To explain yesterday’s ‘interesting’ dilemma, it was a mix of trying new things (see new-ish comic format above) and not having the site prepared to receive such things.  To illustrate, it was like trying to fit a circle into a square hole, and wondering why bits of the circle got hacked off to fit.  Not pretty.

It would have been all taken care of last night, also, but I managed to have an early shift at work this morning, so now I am high on less than my minimum amount of sleep, and dragging around like a half-assed zombie.

But!  The comic is up.  Hurrah!  ^^

How do you guys like the color?  Both it and the format are attempts to see how I can improved the quality and speed up the comicking process at the same time.  Have no idea if I will succeed, but…. can’t know until you try, right?

Onward and upward!

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

Woot, woot!

Hand is doing much better now.  I have already started working on the next few comics – and, like a smart person, I’m going to get as much as I can done ahead of time so random delays in comic-land don’t happen again.  (riiiiiight…)

Thanks again for all your patience, guys.  See you next week!

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

This is a bit of random sketching that I did a couple of weeks ago.  I liked how it turned out.  Here’s to hoping that the inks look just as good.  ^^

Wrist is doing better.  Still can’t get full rotation, and it’s a bit of a bitch when I move it in the wrong direction at the wrong time, but there has been some significant improvement.  I’m hoping a weekend without work (going to Geek Girl Con – say ‘hi’ if you see a girl with a black brace on her right wrist – it might be me!) and more rest will help to a great extent.  We shall see…

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

Most people that I know have had at least one broken bone in their life.  The girlfriend has had several, all the effect of gravity compounded by a stubborn sense of achievement.  This has been accompanied by all manner of other forms of injury – namely sprains, contusions, bumps, bruises, and cuts of every size and shape.  It’s a wonder anyone makes it out into their adult life without looking like some stitched-together monstrosity just raised from the grave (here’s looking at you, Frankie…).

I’ve been told that these sorts of injuries, and their frequency, are all part of natural life.  We can’t get through the most clumsy, confused, tumultuous period of our lives – where our bodies are growing faster than our ability to process movement (thus leaving most in the physical shape of a twelve year old with the reactions of someone who is only seven) – without having some sort of repercussion to our growth in the shape of physical damage.

Added to that are the natural inclinations of our young species to experiment with themselves.  (Could I possibly jump off of the roof of a garage and land on the ground without breaking anything?  I have no idea….let’s find out!)  This leads to more injury, but, like a cherry-red stove that ensures its presence is never forgotten – after the first fatal mistake to touch it – it seems that we begin to remember that some things just hurt after a certain point in time.  We’re less likely to be injured as we grow because we use the remembered hurt to remind ourselves of how much we’d rather not do that again.  Whatever it was.

I must have skipped that step.  I’ve never broken any bones – that’s got to be part of it.  There is some crucial piece of time that I missed – due to inattentiveness, fast mental maturity, or maybe even my enjoyment of laying on grass and listening to the wind blow.  I always enjoyed a good sit, rather than frenzied activities to run around kicking balls or throwing them every which way.  I missed a grand opportunity to be injured, and it is now manifesting itself in my haphazard approach to personal safety as an adult.  I think I’m being safe, but really, I’m not.

That has to be it.  What else could explain the random acts of self-injury that have been dogging my steps for the past two years?

Maybe I’m just clumsy?

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.

Due to the effects of gravity, and my own utter lack of coordination, the aforementioned fall off of my bike caused a pretty bad sprain in my drawing hand.  I cannot turn my wrist properly without pain.

I will do my best to drop something on here at least once a week, but I cannot guarantee that it will be very frequent, or very good.  I’ll try to dig up some older art, or something else fun for you guys to look at while I am convalescing.

I wish there was something else I could say or do, but I don’t have any other options at the moment.  Sorry, folks.  I had hoped it wouldn’t be quite as bad as it turned out. 

Check back here, on my blog, Twitter, or Facebook for updates.  I’ll keep you all posted.

© 2011, Kira. All rights reserved.