Author Topic: Munchkin: Not a game for whiny bitches – by firefly23  (Read 1031 times)

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Munchkin: Not a game for whiny bitches – by firefly23
« on: May 16, 2013, 09:39:31 PM »
Munchkin: Not a game for whiny bitches – by firefly23
Thousands of different role-playing games exist in the world today.  Some are amazing, and some totally suck.  And unfortunately, the only way to figure out what classification you can give it is to subject yourself to the mercy of the game.  Unless you know someone who you trust to give you an honest opinion about a game.

Like me!

Today’s game; Munchkin.  The goal of the game is to steal the booty, kill the monsters, and backstab your buddy.  The more warped and twisted you are, the better you will be at this game.  It is a fairly simple concept, on the surface.  Each person is their own “character.”  You draw four cards, two “doors” and two “treasures.”  Depending on the cards you draw, you may have different qualities, including race, class, accent, or any other number of things.  You can also collect bonuses that help you fight of big mean (or little tiny) monsters.  Each player starts as a level 1.  Your goal is to reach level 10.

This can be done in a variety of ways.  The most common is killing a monster.  Second, buying a level.  Third, playing a “go up a level” card.  Third, cheating.    Yes, cheating highly encouraged.  Right up until you get caught.  Then you are subject to whatever your fellow Munchkins decide; generally, it’s simply correcting your error.  But hey, there are no rules for dealing with cheaters, so we leave that to your warped imaginations.  Most people promptly cheat again, anyway.

As far as rules go, games rules come first.  But if you have a card that says different than the rules do, go with the card.  And if you can’t agree on what the rules mean, well, start by arguing loudly, and then eventually, concede to the owner of the game, because it’s their game, their rules.  If you make house rules, try to agree on them before you start playing.  Or don’t.  It’s your sanity at risk here.

To win the game, you must reach level 10.  To reach level 10, you must beat a monster.  Unless a card says otherwise, and yes, that card exists.

Simple enough game, yes?  Like I said, steal the booty, kill the monster, backstab your buddy.  Honestly, I think the best part about the game is backstabbing your buddy.  It wouldn’t be Munchkinly to not backstab someone at LEAST once per game.  There are a variety of ways to go about backstabbery.  If, say, someone has reached a level with which you are unsatisfied (say, a level , when they come up against a monster, you can heap things onto said monster, making him bigger, stronger, scarier.  If your buddy can’t beat it alone, and no one is helping him out, then he has to run away.  One sidenote about this technique; it’s REALLY easy to repeat, so you may have the same thing coming to you.  Be prepared.

If you buddy is trying to run away, but you like the Bad Stuff that would happen to him if running fails, you can employ the use of a dandy card called Loaded Dice.  This means if they are successful in rolling a run away (5 or 6 on a d6), you can flip the dice, and change the number so they fail, and get eaten/stomped on/smooched/whatever.  Again, there are a couple of this card running around, as well as some counter cards, so watch your ass.

Clearly, this is not a game for the faint of heart.  If you are a person who believes in following the rules and playing nice, don’t bother.  You’ll just send yourself into a tizzy and make the game no fun for anyone.  And then they’ll heap more destruction upon your loopy little head, and you’ll get more upset, and…you see where this is going?  Good.  Then think carefully before you embark on this journey.  Because I’ve seen the wicked side of the rule-followers, and it’s NOT pretty.

It’s a lovely Sunday afternoon.  There are six of us; me, my husband, my best friend, his wife, her sister, and her boyfriend.  Because there are six of us, we decide to combine two decks, to avoid the necessity of reshuffling; Munchkin Original, and Munchkin Booty (Pirate).  The sister’s boyfriend has never played, so we guide him through it.  I had only played once before, but I’m a quick study on games, so it was no big deal to me.  When I had learned to play, we had established a rule that if you have too many cards, you can place them on the table “tapped.”  (Trivia!  “Tapping” a card, or turning it sideways to indicate a status change, is copywrited by Wizards of the Coast, the producer of Munchkin, Magic, and D&D.)  So we had a few things tapped, when the sister pipes in,

“You can’t do that!”

Erm…what?  Sure we can.  Why can’t we?  Who says we can’t?  Wait, what?

So, we pull out the trusty, dusty handbook.  Only it’s written in pirate-ese, which makes it a bit tougher to decipher.  Plus, we don’t really want to waste time arguing about this rule, because the four of us who own the games play by that rule.  And there is that excellent rule, game owner wins.  So we establish that rule, which she stalwartly refuses to play with, and continue on our merry way.  I did find that rule in the book later, but decided not to bring it up, since she had decided to hate on me personally.

At any rate, the game moves along swimmingly, the n00b doing just fine, everyone making levels with minimal fuss.  It’s taking longer, but with 6 people, 4 of whom are prone to cheating by holding far more than 5 cards in their hand at a time, it’s inevitable.  Sister comes up against a monster, and she’s currently a level 8.  The table decides this is not an ok progression of events, and we all gang up on her to stop her.  So she’s facing three monsters, with no hope of beating them.  Running away is her only option.  And she fails to run away from ALL THREE.  Not a happy lady.  Fortunately for her, none of the monsters have death or dismemberment as a Bad Stuff.  All she has to do is give up her hand to the rest of us.  Yay, us!  She’s still a level 8, and now we all have a bevy of lovely cards to add to our own hands.  Any regular Munchkin player would squint at us all, and be determined to stab all of us equally, yes?

Of course not.  The story wouldn’t be nearly as educational if that were the case.

Onward with the story!  So, after her turn, she sits and sulks.  Seriously, she’s like 27, and she’s sulking.  So we do our level best to simply ignore her, and continue with the game.  Dinner is being made in the background, and so she gets up and viciously chops potatoes.  I am, at this point, rather glad to be across the table from her, out of reach.  She has ceased speaking to anyone, except to snark, mostly about our rules.  And usually the snarking is said “quietly” to her boyfriend, the poor young man.  The ultimate in pussy-whippage going on there, thank you.  My friend’s turn rolls around some while later, and he’s a level 9.  He comes up against a monster, the famed Plutonium Dragon.  *eek!*  He can’t beat it.  Then sister dearest offers to help him win.

Erm…wtf?  I, albeit somewhat snarkishly, point out that she’s helping him WIN THE GAME.  Why??

“I just want you two” (me and my husband) “to lose.”


So, to block this technique, we employ the EVIL BATHTUB DUCKY!


No, really.  It’s a pretty badass level 1 card.  Any modifiers added to the Bathtub Ducky get an additional +5 for the duck.  So this little level 1 proceeded to explode into a level 19.

So boyfriend, in protection of pussy rights, hops on board, and they squish both.  And then neither speaks to anyone the rest of the night.

Clearly, a case of misrepresenting the point of Munchkin.   While she did hold to the “backstab your buddy” bit, there was some amount of misplaced intent and origin behind why the backstabbery took place.  It should, in my opinion, occur to help you win the game, not cause someone you’ve known for about 3 hours and taken on a STRONG dislike for lose.  Especially when the collateral damage is your target’s husband, who did nothing to you but try to support an argument you made earlier (that no one understood).

The moral of the story: IF YOU ARE A WHINY BITCH, PICK A NEW GAME.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2014, 12:40:55 PM by Lord Palatine »


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