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Offline Lord Palatine

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Good Luck Charm
« on: April 07, 2011, 06:14:44 AM »

"Jack, what the hell have you done now?"

Jackson Alexander Turnbull, President and Executive Director of Nova Caledonia and known to the world at large of Whiskey Jack, sat back in his chair and considered the imposing form of his uncle, Vice Admiral "Bloody Bill" Turnbull.  "Well, I'll play along," Jack shrugged.  "I have no idea, can you narrow the list of possibilities for me?"

"You've restored your grandfather's national seal to the country?"

"Oh, that," Jack grinned and shook his head in some confusion.

"Yes that!" Bloody Bill grumbled.  "It's indecent!"

"Indecent how?"

"There are naked women, bare titties in the old seal!"

"Well make up your mind, were they naked or just exposing breasts?" Jack laughed.

Bill turned a few shades of red and fought for words as Jack set out a brightly colored drawing.  "The supporters are covered," Jack pointed down at the sheet.

"Barely," Bill growled but finally helped himself to a glass of Jack's best bourbon before seating himself.  "Why would you bring that back?"

"Because the shield alone was boring to a degree of tediousness was that made my hair bleed," Jack replied.

"Your father disposed of this for a good reason, you should have followed his lead, you should have considered his wishes!"

Jack cocked an eyebrow at his uncle.  "I don't know if you've read a newspaper lately, but Dad hasn't been with us for a few years now, I'll follow my own inclinations."

"He should have burned it all!"

"Why?"

Bloody Bill turned several more shades of red.  "The girl shouldn't be on there, your father and I were of one mind on that!"

"Why?"

"Because it was your grandmother!"

Jack had clearly chosen the wrong moment to sip his own drink and spewed it back into the glass, then coughed and swore as he dabbed his face and hands with his handkerchief.  "Grandmother posed for a nude drawing?"

"No of course not!" Bill sputtered, "she'd never, I don't think.  Its beside the point!"

Jack tossed his handkerchief into a desk drawer and laughed again.  "Well, she didn't make Grandfather change it, and grandmother is certainly no shrinking violet to hide her opinions."

"How can you laugh about this? This is my mother we're discussing!"

"And I had them put clothes on her," Jack shrugged.

"Indecent, and I'm worried that you can take so cavalier an attitude of an attitude about your own grandmother!"

"I had them clothe her," Jack repeated and glanced back down at the paper.  "Funny though, grandmother isn't nearly so busty as that, perhaps the artists tried to flatter her?"

Bill's eyes bugged out.  "It is not proper to discuss your grandmother's endowments!"

"You called them titties earlier," Jack pointed out.

"Don't be impertinent," Bill refilled his glass.  "It was all foolishness, Father was a young and horny sailor and mother was young and impressionable."

"She was raised in the court of Palto Riaga," Jack laughed.  "That would mature anyone in a hurry, and they honeymooned in Paris, I can't think of a more debauched city, she wouldn't even tell me about what she saw there until I turned twenty."

"You asked your grandmother to tell you about that?"

"No," Jack grinned.  "I was going to Paris and she told me all about it," then he looked serious.  "That crest was on every warship we had when we last had serious troubles, we ran off the British, French, Dutch and Germans and soldiers and sailors are superstitious.  They'll follow a winner with greater peace of mind.  We're already trading shots with Germany, who is working on alliances with Russia and Austria-Hungary.  We'll have them on one side and Japan on the other, and all looking to spread their flags over bigger swaths of map.  You've seen the communiques from The French and Dutch, they're looking to us for alliances because they have the Huns staring at them like a plate of sauerkraut and bratwurst."

"I noticed that you haven't invited their Ambassadors to sit down and discuss the treaties."

"No, and I never will," Jack replied.  "Europe can go to hell.  They have no business out here, and they have no business sticking their flags on other people's lands.  I wish they'd stay in Europe and butcher each other and leave the rest of the world alone.  It's a powder keg, and if some damned fool strikes a match the whole world will blow up, and most of the world has no vested interest in their stupidity.  Look at Africa, almost none of it is independent.  Asia is the same, right now Europe's wolves are sitting down and deciding which part of China they want to devour first.  Is it any wonder that communists and anarchists are running riot across Europe right now?"

"I know all of this," Bill reminded his nephew.  "I built your new fleets for you, remember?"

Jack nodded and smiled at his uncle fondly.  "I heard what you told the Belgian attache," he grinned.

"About the possibility that Germany might invade them?" Bill asked, Jack nodded and grinned faintly.  "All I said was I hoped they both lost.  You're right, it isn't our fight.  We have a duty to Caledonia and Palto Riaga, as long as they don't interfere with us, we'll let them live."

"An eminently practical attitude," Jack replied.  "Between politics, class warfare, religion and this eugenics nonsense I've been reading about, the world is going to be in a hell of a mess soon enough."

"It has its advantages for us though," Bill sighed.  "As the rest of the world goes to hell our people are becoming more determined to keep the things that have cause the troubles from our shores."

"It's easier for us," Jack replied.  "We've taken the people that nobody else wanted and brought them to islands that the Europeans burned and slaughtered and when people have all of that in common they know what all of these reprehensible practices can cause, and they don't want any part of it.  After all, where else in the world can you sit down to dinner with Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and vampires?"

Bill laughed at that thought.  "The menu can be a pain to plan though."

"I have a chef, its her problem," Jack shrugged.  "My problem is to protect their homeland so they can continue to sit down to these dinners, and remember all of their birthdays.  Our family certainly doesn't make meals or holidays easy to plan for, that I'll tell you for free."  Jack sighed and looked to the framed map on his wall.  "Germany will be our immediate problem, Japan and Russia are on the horizon though."

"It'll start in New Guinea," Bill agreed.  "They'll go after the Dutch there, but they'll leave the British alone, Australia is too big and too close for them to trouble, for now."  He sighed.  "Fine, keep your good luck charm, just don't expect me to hang one in my offices.  I had no end of hell over that growing up."

"Fair enough," Jack agreed with a nasty little grin.

"What is that evil little smirk about?"

"I can't wait to hear the hell Blackwood raises when she sees it on the Empress."

 

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